Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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