the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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