Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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