I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
