we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
