We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
