woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
