Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i drank out of a bidet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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