i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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