Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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