He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
