I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
