WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
