I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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