he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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