When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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