I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
