You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
two words...techno handjob
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
