I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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