This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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