mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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