Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
