I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's always time for handjobs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
