and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
