im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
