filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
