Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
