Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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