Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
