smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's Friday. Sex?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize