i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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