now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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