If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
