I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
