oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
