I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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