Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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