I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
