ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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