blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize