That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
