After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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