its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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