meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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