This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
