I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
