Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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