i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
