and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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