so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
