Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
