The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
