I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
