I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize