Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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