I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize