Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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