The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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