I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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