just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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